Entry 62: Roller Boogie

Roller Boogie (1979)

Dir: Mark L. Lester

"It's love on wheels!"
 
  
Linda Blair, the unofficial Queen of the Basement of Sleaze, returns to cleanse the palette after our difficult-to-watch last feature...Prepare yourself for a rocking, rolling, rambunctious, raucous good time...that's right, motherfuckers; it's goddamn Roller Boogie!

"Hey 'Phones, let's skate!"  With these words begins an odyssey for the ages, as a duo of young rollerskatin' dudes is joined one-by-one by other members of their neighborhood (including a couple of scantily-clad babes, a guy with a terrific mustache and an alarmingly-30something man they refer to as "Jumpin' Jack Flash") until the group is large enough to form a full-on rolling dance routine, interrupted only by a tall, gangly, awkward skater who breaks their ranks (whatta nerd!).  After that, we're introduced to roller skating queen Terry (Blair), a poor little rich girl (she has a car phone in '79!) who's peeved because her socialite parents don't pay any attention to her ("I thought I'd go down to the beach today and commit suicide!" "That's nice, dear; have a good day.").  Hot-dogging skater Bobby (Jim Bray, who apparently retired from acting after this) is a poor kid who has the hots for stuck-up Terry, but her parents have already set her up with rich kid Franklin (Christopher S. Nelson, Without Warning, who sweats profusely and leers at Blair's knees during a clarinet recital).  Terry hires Bobby to teach her to "dance while skating," and the two begin to bicker/fall in love, while Bobby is advised by his buddies Phones (Stoney Jackson, Streets of Fire, Jocks), Hoppy (James Van Patten, brother of Timothy and featured in the Saw movies) and Gordo (Albert Insinnia, Corvette Summer) and Terry is consoled by an enormous pair of walking breasts named Lana (Kimberly Beck, Friday the 13th-the Final Chapter).  Will these two star-crossed kids find love in time for Terry to win the big Venice Beach roller boogie competition and raise enough dough to save the local skating rink from mobsters?  Are my lungs black and rotting? 

I love, love, LOVE this movie!  It's a supremely silly movie, in which street punks are able to defeat mafioso-types by throwing rotten vegetables and kids on roller skates can outrun a speeding car, but it touches me in all the right 70's places: big collars, shirts buttoned only once or twice, jumpsuits, tight pants and great disco and glam tunes.  The whole cast is enthusiastic and earnest, and Blair is genuinely sexy and confident (in her first big post-drug bust role).  Dean Cundey (who lensed previous entry The Witch Who Came from the Sea and went on to work with Carpenter and Spielberg) provides plenty of neon-drenched color to the proceedings.  Best of all, this was directed by the once-godly Mark L. Lester, who also directed undisputed classics Class of 1984 ("Take a look at my face, I am the future!") and motherfucking Commando ("Let off some steam, Bennett!"), before giving up and blowing his (considerable) talent on direct-to-SyFy Channel features.  The entire plot of this film (literally scene-by-scene) was recycled for the more famous Breakin'.