Entry 130: Silver Bullet (1985)

Silver Bullet (1985)

Dir: Daniel Attias

"Whenever the moon is full...it comes back!"

 

 The Netflix series Stranger Things has had all sorts of people coming out of the woodwork to sing the praises of 80's coming-of-age genre flicks like The Goonies, Stand By Me, the It miniseries and even the underrated Explorers, but there's one similar film I've noticed never gets brought up...Gas up your high-octane wheelchair and shut your door when the full moon rises, we're heading downstairs to "tap the rockies," Basement of Sleaze style with Silver Bullet!

In 1976, all isn't well in the sleepy New England hamlet of Tarker's Mills.  As the little woodland town celebrates the bicentennial, a vicious killer emerges every full moon to mutilate a new victim.  As the victims have no shared traits, local law enforcement agents (led by sheriff Terry O'Quinn, The Stepfather, TV's Lost) are baffled by the crimes.  Out setting off fireworks late one summer night, paraplegic adolescent Marty (the late Corey Haim, The Lost Boys, License to Drive) is attacked by a bestial figure that he manages to drive off with a bottle rocket to the eye.  Marty has a distant relationship with his parents, and an antagonistic one with his teenage sister, Jane (Megan Follows, the titular character from TV's Anne of Green Gables), but is tight with his deadbeat, alcoholic uncle Red (Gary Busey, Predator 2, Point Break).  Convinced that the beast that attacked him was a werewolf, Marty convinces Jane to help him to canvas the town for eye-injured individuals.  Jane discovers that benevolent preacher Reverend Lowe (Everett McGill, TV's Twin Peaks, The People Under the Stairs) is rocking a new eye patch, and the two put aside their sibling rivalry and attempt to convince the skeptical Red to help, while the desperate Lowe does his best to off poor Marty!  As the killings continue, Marty and Jane finally convince Red to procure the titular weapon and help them lay a trap for the shapeshifter on Halloween night...

Silver Bullet is never spoken of with the same reverence as fellow 80's werewolf flicks The Howling, An American Werewolf in London and (to a lesser extent) Wolfen.  While I wouldn't go so far as to call it an overlooked classic, it IS a good, mostly effective movie, though it suffers from some significant problems.  Most damning is its treatment of the Reverend Lowe character, though McGill (a favorite 80s/90s character actor of mine thanks to his work with David Lynch) does his best with the role.  The idea of a "man of the cloth" uncontrollably becoming a murderous monster by night is an interesting one and, early on, the film has Lowe express regret for his actions and explain that his victims were chosen from people that he, as a Christian, found "already damned (an alcoholic, a woman who had confessed to him her desire to commit suicide, a child beater)."  In these early scenes, Lowe can be read as a "holy redeemer," a man who justifies his murderous affliction as a means to "save" victims who might've otherwise been doomed to eternal hellfire.  In the beginning, the film also takes great pains to show the werewolf only killing "innocent" people who are actively out to do him harm.  This all goes out the fucking window, however, as soon as Marty and Jane discover Lowe's true identity and he becomes just another boogeyman, attempting to kill poor Marty relentlessly even during the day in his "human" form (the car vs. wheelchair scene is, admittedly, suspenseful).  The movie is also plagued by a comic relief scene in which a group of bumbling rednecks attempt to hunt the werewolf during a foggy night, which is tonally in-congruent with the rest of the film.  Director Attias (who never made another feature, but went on to become an Emmy-winning television director for shows such as The Wire) brings a great sense of fear and dread to the werewolf attack scenes, but his work on the rest of the film is flat and TV movie-like.  The performances are all solid, with kudos going to Busey, not yet in the constant self-parody phase of his career, as a man willing to set aside his own demons for those of his nephew.  I guess I should mention Stephen King; he adapted (VERY loosely) the screenplay from his own (excellent) novella, Cycle of the Werewolf.  At the end of the day, Silver Bullet isn't perfect, but is certainly worth a watch for fans of werewolf films or 80s coming-of-age horror flicks.  Just don't skip The Howling for it! 

       

Entry 129: Microwave Massacre (1983)

Microwave Massacre (1983)

Dir: Wayne Berwick

"They came for dinner...to find they were it!"


 

This movie's opening credits begin superimposed over the image of a woman's jiggling tits as she walks down the sidewalk (don't worry, ass people; we're treated to a butt shot, as well), so you know exactly what kind of movie you're watching.  After the credits, the aforementioned woman happens upon a group of construction workers taking lunch, and shoves the aforementioned pair of tits through a hole in a fence, taunting them.  This is juxtaposed with Donald (stand-up comic Jackie Vernon), another construction worker trying, and failing, to eat a giant crab sandwich made with a full, shell-on crab.  This, folks, is the sort of cutting-edge humor that you've come to Microwave Massacre for, and dammit, you'll not be denied!  Donald and friends head out after work to a dingy strip club, where we're introduced to Sam, a bartender who deflects Donald's complaints about his life (mean-spirited wife, lousy job, pacemaker)
 by talking about his hemorrhoids.  Donald goes home to discover that his overbearing wife, May, has made a dish even more revolting than the full-crab sandwich for dinner.  She then insults his masculinity, calls him a "human contraceptive" and compares him, unfavorably, with their little yappy dog.  The next day at work, Donald resigns himself to eating a dog food sandwich while one of his co-workers makes time with tits girl from the beginning of the film.  After work, Donald goes to the bar, gets shitfaced, then goes home and bludgeons May to death after another argument.  Upon waking the next day, he discovers her body stuffed into their new industrial microwave, cooks her on "slow broil," chops her up and places her in their refrigerator ("Gotta make room for May!").  Donald views a true crime program on television that advises "The only perfect crime is one in which the perpetrator eats all of the evidence," and soon he finds himself eating pieces of May's nuked body as a midnight snack ("I guess it's better than nothing...Hey; that's not too bad!").  The next day, two things happen to further alter the course of Donald's life: he makes a sandwich from pieces of May and brings it to work; his friends/co-workers try it and are so enamored of the flavor that they demand Donald cook for them everyday AND he discovers that his long-dormant sexuality has awakened after cooking and eating May.  So, this dumpy middle-aged schlub starts (improbably) picking up nubile young women, screwing them, killing them and cooking them.  Donald's victims include a prostitute named DDD ("My mom wanted to name me Deliah, but she stuttered.") and a woman in a chicken suit (don't ask).  In an out-of-nowhere scene that will have you doubting your own sanity, Donald fantasizes about making a human-sized sandwich with a still-living woman that he covers in Miracle Whip with a comically oversized butter knife!  When Donald's nosey sister-in-law arrives looking for May, he can't bring himself to kill her, so he gags her with a a sandwich (!) and keeps her tied up in his closet.  In a finale that's remarkably anticlimactic yet strangely fitting, Donald drops dead while preparing his latest victim's body for his buddies.  As his friends arrive and disgustedly discover human remains in the microwave, we're shown a close-up of the label on its side: "Warning! May interfere with pacemakers!"

It's rare for a movie to leave me speechless, but I'll be damned if I know what to say about Microwave Massacre.  It sort of reminds me of a Herschell Gordon Lewis movie remade by Porky's-era Bob Clark from a script by a 13 year-old boy.  It's not good by any traditional means, but if you can get into it's peculiar combination of dumb/broad humor, gratuitous nudity and (intentionally?) awful gore effects, you might have fun watching it.  I did; it's...unique.  Come to think of it, Troma fans will probably eat this up!  Vernon, who was a frequent guest on The Tonight Show and the voice of Frosty the fucking Snowman in the classic Rankin-Bass animated Christmas specials, gives pathetic loser Donald such a sweet personality that you can't help but feel a little sympathy for him, even once he turns into a murderous cannibal.  The rest of the cast (none of whom went on to do anything of note) is amateurish but enthusiastic.  Co-writer/producer Craig Muckler (a Minnesota native who also helped produce Basement of Sleaze favorite Malibu High) is, to this day, a frequent guest at horror conventions and is STILL trying to get a sequel made-you have to admire his dedication!    

Entry 128: Madman (1981)

Madman (1981)

Dir: Joe Giannone

"Deep in the woods lurks a hideous evil...Don't even whisper his name!"

 

For obvious reasons, October is a special month here in the Basement of Sleaze, so...Welcome to my October kickoff!  Every entry this month will focus on a horror film; no porn, no action movies, no B-grade sci-fiers, nothing but ghoulish cinema designed to thrill and chill!  I'm hoping for a bit of an increased output this month; I've got a few flicks "in the can" that I just need to find the time to write up.  

Madman takes place at North Sea Cottages, a "special retreat for gifted children," which makes it sound suspiciously like the X-Men's headquarters.  Kids sitting around a campfire are told a spooky tale about a local farmer who went mad and murdered his wife and children, before being lynched by the townsfolk...Predictably, his body disappeared.  The farmer is one "Madman Marz," but the narrator refuses to say his name during the story because, as the legend tells it, he appears whenever his name is uttered to claim new victims.  Punk-ass "gifted child" Richie (the most excellently-named Jimmy Steele, who rocks a sweet white guy jheri curl) calls bullshit on that and screams into the night for Marz to come and get them.  Meanwhile, T.P. (the late Tony Fish), who is in charge of the male students, is all pissed off because Betsy (Gaylen Ross, from Romero's Dawn of the Dead and Creepshow), chaperone for the female students, is reluctant to return his amorous advances.  After a counselor who goes off on his own to explore an abandoned farmhouse in the area is brutally murdered, T.P. and Betsy make up and engage in some freaky hot tub fornicating (Ross appears topless, which may explain her eventual use of the alias "Alexis Dubin" in the film's credits).  When Richie disappears, T.P. goes looking for him and gets hanged by Marz for his trouble.  As the other counselors (one of whom looks a LOT like John Oates!) wander off to search for T.P. and Ritchie, they're hunted down and dispatched by Marz in various ways (Axe through the chest, back-breaking, a particularly memorable decapitation via car hood), until shotgun-packing Betsy becomes the final girl, forced to defend the "gifted youngsters" from the brute.  This movie doesn't exactly reinvent the wheel, folks, but it DOES feature an uncharacteristically bleak conclusion.

For the most part, Madman is just another derivative slasher; it's clearly inspired by Friday the 13th, but its look, pacing and story beats owe more to Halloween.  Having said that, if you're predisposed to enjoying the pleasures of the slasher film, Madman has a lot to offer.  Despite being filmed independently by a first-time direct, the movie looks better than many of its contemporaries; Giannone's prowling camera and the cinematography of James Lemmo (Ms. 45, Maniac Cop) give the film a great, misty gothic atmosphere.  Ross is a capable and appealing lead, and, while none of them went on  to do much of interest to genre fans, the rest of the cast turn in likable, naturalistic performances, a real treat in a genre dominated by stilted acting.  The hairy, deformed, barefoot, overall-clad Marz is a memorable monster and the kills are bloody and effective.  Speaking of kills, the final counselor to die before Ross is left alone isn't even killed by Marz...I won't spoil it, but it's a great gut-punch moment that'll stick with you.  If you're in a slasher mood, definitely give Madman a shot!