Entry 109: The Food of the Gods (1976)

The Food of the Gods (1976)

Dir: Bert I. Gordon

"H.G. Welles, the master of science fiction, tells his most frightening story..."



A regular reader recently suggested that I take a look at the filmography of America's favorite revivalist minister-turned-actor Marjoe Gortner, who was briefly a big star/heartthrob in the mid-70s.  I've decided to turn this May into "Marjoe May" and look at quite a few of his films, but as I'd just recently watched this flick, I figured I'd give you an appetizer.  So put on your fanciest dinnerware and join me in the Basement as we sample The Food of the Gods!

In this low-buck Welles adaptation, Marjoe stars as Morgan, the captain of a pro football team who decides to take a little off-season RnR on a secluded island with a couple of his teammates, Davis and Bryan.  After lots of unnecessary slow-mo shots of Marjoe and friends hunting deer on horseback through the woods, Davis (Chuck Courtney, Billy the Kid vs Dracula, Pet Sematary, and no relation to Joe), is thrown from his mount and killed by a swarm of cat-sized wasps!  Looking for aid at a nearby log cabin, Gortner is attacked by a ridiculous, bear-sized chicken in the stable.  Upon confronting the occupant of the farm, Mrs. Skinner (Ida Lupino, TVs Batman, The Devil's Rain), he discovers that she's been feeding the chickens slop from containers marked "FOTG."  Inquiring as to the origin of the mysterious foodstuffs, he gets the reply "It came from the good Lord. (THAT never ends well!)."  After a VERY padded sequence in which Morgan and Bryan (Jon Cypher, Man-at-Arms from Masters of the Universe!) take a ferry to the mainland and we get MANY close-ups of Marjoe looking concerned, we get to see Mrs. Skinner attacked by giant maggots in her home, in the film's most off-putting sequence.  Meanwhile, Mr. Skinner (John McLiam, Cool Hand Luke, First Blood) returns to the island after a business deal on the mainland to sell "FOTG" and is torn apart by enormous rats!  Morgan and Brian head back to the island to destroy the wasps and meet up with sleazy pharmaceutical rep Bensington (Ralph Meeker, a LONG way from playing Mike goddamn Hammer in the classic Kiss Me Deadly), his cute assistant Lorna (Pamela Franklin, Necromancy, The Legend of Hell House) and vacationing young couple Thomas (Tom Stovall, Silkwood) and pregnant Rita (Belinda Balaski, pretty much every Joe Dante movie).  Eventually, these disparate individuals hole up in the Skinner farmhouse while besieged by pony-sized rats that have gotten into the FOTG.  Asshole Bensington gets torn apart and eaten, Brian heroically sacrifices himself and, in the film's most howl-inducing, sanity-doubting moment, smitten Lorna asks of Marjoe "I want you to do me a favor.  I want you to make love to me" as the rats are literally trying to eat their way into the house.  Marjoe comes up with a plan to use the farms water supply to electrocute the rats and he, Lorna, Rita and Thomas make their escape but, in the requisite 70s twist-ending, the FOTG-tainted water makes it's way into a reservoir and is served to school children...

Food of the Gods has found it's way onto all sorts of lame "worst movies of all time lists," and it truthfully isn't very "good" in the commonly-accepted sense, but I'll be goddamned if it isn't a lot of fun to watch.  Marjoe overacts like crazy, playing every scene as if he's on the verge of a heart attack, Meeker looks like he'd rather be anywhere else and Cypher's Bryan is a take-no-shit badass who I was genuinely sorry to see go.  The movie features some truly awful projection, compositing and miniature effects, but some of the full-size rats (built by a young Rick Baker) are actually quite good.  Gordon (who had been making films since the 50s) is an at-best-serviceable director and a truly awful screenwriter, but there's something charming about the low-rent ineptitude of his body of work.  And credit where credit's due-the man just released a new film last year at the age of 92!