Entry 112: Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

Dir: Joseph Zito

"America wasn't ready...but HE was!"

 

Tonight, please welcome to the Basement martial arts expert, '80's B action movie icon and once-ubiquitous internet meme Chuck Norris, in his first (but certainly not last) appearance.  Batten down the hatches, keep an eye on your neighbor and prepare for Invasion U.S.A.!

Norris stars as denim enthusiast Matt Hunter, a former CIA agent who now makes his living as an alligator wrangler in the Everglades (I can't make this shit up).  Because Hunter loves freedom even more than retirement, he agrees to rejoin the agency when Russian commies, led by his old nemesis Rostov (Richard Lynch, God Told Me To, Cut and Run), invade Florida on Christmas Eve.  This communist invasion is supposedly a nationwide crisis, but the budget-conscious Zito only informs us of this via talking heads on television.  Rostov is so terrified of Hunter (who nearly killed him during their last encounter) that he has chronic nightmares in which Chuck and his mustache menace him and he threatens to derail the entire invasion scheme by obsessively insisting that Hunter must be eliminated before plans can proceed.  There isn't much to the plot beyond this, just a series of ever-escalating action scenes in which Chuck thwarts the schemes of Rostov and his minions, leading to a finale in which Chuck manages to galvanize the army to combat Rostov's death squad while he himself (in a gloriously over-the-top scene) blows up Rostov with an anti-tank missile.  

Having previously done their low-rent version of Rambo in Missing in Action (which was filmed in a hurry and managed to beat Stallone's First Blood Part II to theatres by several months), Zito and Norris here turn their attention to doing a quicker, dirtier take on John Milius's overwrought commies invade America thriller Red Dawn. Despite (or perhaps because of) it's lack of any sort of narrative subtlety, I enjoyed the shit out of this Cannon Group production.  It's lean and mean and moves along at such a brisk pace that it's over before you realize that it doesn't make much goddamn sense (why, during a legitimate attempt to invade the United States, would the Russians send their top agent to Florida?  Wouldn't he be better utilized in New York or, perhaps, D.C.?  Isn't it a bit convenient that Rostov and his team just happen to make landfall a few miles from the one spot in all of America that his deadliest foe has chosen to take his anonymous retirement?).  Because this movie gives precisely zero fucks about appealing to anyone who isn't here to watch Chuck kick ass (and because, honestly, Chuck isn't a very good actor), there's no love interest or any sort of romantic subplot, but Chuck does receive some aid from a plucky reporter (Melissa Prophet, Time Walker, Action Jackson).  Chuck did perform most of his own stunts for this flick, and Zito stages a particularly thrilling sequence in which Chuck drives a pickup through a shopping mall in pursuit of Rostov.  This also stands as one of the most sadistic of the cycle of '80's action movies; it puts an emphasis on terroristic acts committed by Rostov and his goons-blowing up suburban houses with families inside on Christmas Eve, attempting to bomb a school bus full of children...Oh, and Rostov's favored method for disposing of his enemies is to put his gun down their pants and blow their dick off.  Watch for character actor Billy Drago (The Untouchables, Hero and the Terror) in an early role as a drug dealer.  Matt Hunter returned (sans Norris or Zito) in Avenging Force, a loose sequel in which the character was played by Norris' fellow Cannon golden boy Michael Dudikoff.  Invasion U.S.A. does leave me with one lingering question:  if the communist invasion is a nationwide event and this movie takes place entirely in Florida, what happens to the other 49 states?  Since there's only one Chuck Norris, I think they're fucked.