Entry Two: Amityville 3-D (1983)

Amityville 3-D (1983)
Dir: Richard Fleischer

"WARNING: In this movie, you are the victim!"

Arriving at the tail end of the early 80's (short-lived) 3-D revival, this third entry in the Amityville series possesses neither the atmosphere of the first nor the sleazy subject matter and gooey transformation effects of Amityville 2: The Possession.

Professional skeptic Tony Roberts (looking fantastic but at least six years out of date with his white jheri curl and propensity for fur-collared long coats) purchases the cursed mansion, much to the objection of his superstitious ex-wife (Tess Harper).  Soon, his assistant (Candy Clark, much better than this material deserves) is burned alive and his teenage daughter (future Full House star Lori Laughlin) drowns in the pond out back.  Eventually, the evil that guards the portal to hell in the basement manifests itself as a fire-breathing, rubbery special effect that looks like a cross between a piece of shit and a frog and melts supernatural investigator Robert Joy's face off.

The 3-D effects are typically intrusive (especially in a 2-D presentation); actors thrust lighters toward the screen while investigating dark rooms, rubbery flies flit about and shattered glass zooms at you on barely-concealed wires.  De Laurentiis contract director Fleischer (Conan the Destroyer)'s direction is strictly workmanlike.  With only a PG rating, it's a watered-down waste of time.  The always irritating Meg Ryan has small, early role if you're into that sort of thing.  At least they chose an appropriate tagline.