Entry 101: Wonder Witch (19??)

Wonder Witch (19??)

It's Saturday morning...Basement of Sleaze style!  Grab a big ol' bowl of cereal, a bottle of your favorite lube and head down to the basement for the carnal cartoon Wonder Witch!

*For those interested, I have been unable to uncover any production info for this 'toon.  It doesn't appear to have entries on either the IMDB or the AFD, but I'm pretty goddamn sure it's European, and I'm also PRETTY sure Wonder Witch isn't it's original/real title.  Anyway, it's available on the cleverly-named "X-Rated Cartoons" DVD from VCX...

Jesus Christ, this one doesn't pull any fucking punches or make any effort to ease the viewer into what they're about to witness.  It begins with "Handle (I see what you did there)" plowing Gretel up against a tree in the middle of the forest.  A narrator informs us that their "abundant love...filled the entire forest," and that "everything they did, the animals would do."  Cut to a genuinely baffling shot of a sparrow fucking an owl (your guess is as good as mine).  Handle HILARIOUSLY shoots an enormous, lovingly animated load into a gopher's hole, and the little guy emerges in mock-comic anger (this should give you a hint of the general level of humor on display here).  In a scene that'll make you doubt your sanity AND make you uncomfortably aroused, Handle and Gretel come upon (Eeeughh!) a witch in the forest who lives in a cottage with a pair of tits sculpted onto the stucco walls and a giant dick for a chimney.  Oh, yeah; she uses her own breast milk to water the hedges (I've said it before and I'll say it again: I can't make this shit up, folks!  She also has a fence made of ejaculating penises that she sits upon to get herself off.  Fully understandably, this attracts and interests our ardor-filled young lovers, and they approach the cottage.  I should also point out that at this precise moment, and for no good fucking reason, the film cuts to two trees in the forest that inexplicably grow human faces and male and female genitalia and begin schtupping each other. Once the witch invites our two coital cartoons into her home, she immediately begins mocking Handle's junk ("I have better tools in my garden!"-Jesus; maybe it's cold out, lady!) and uses a spell to imprison him.  I've told you about some crazy fucking shit in this cartoon already, but the show tops itself again when, with Handle imprisoned, the witch forces Gretel to man her garden pump-fountain, which, naturally, is in the shape of an enormous phallus on a pedestal ringed with vaginal openings.  When Gretel pumps the handle, a hand-shaped lever jerks off the shaft and forces ejaculate out like water, while the enchanted thing (which can speak despite having no mouth) rhymes "Into the forest my streams do flow, the pleasure is mine, so here I go (as an aside, my friend Jeremy NEEDS one of those for his backyard!)!"  The witch then, ahem, uses a corncob to masturbate Gretel to a squirting orgasm, so that her "juices" might water the garden (I genuinely can't believe I just wrote that-I feel like I was so naive just a few moments ago!).  While Gretel and the witch fuck the fence-dicks in tandem, a helpful crow hatches a plan to help Handle escape and destroy the witch ("Her horniness will be her downfall!").  Through some unexplained, mad alchemy, the crow convinces two pigs to concoct a "super duper potion" that causes wimpy Handle to grow into a Schwarzeneggerian monster and (in a scene that predicts the bizarre blaxploitation flick Soul Vengeance) makes his dick grow to the size of a playground tube slide.  Handle uses his newly-minted Supermember to vault into the witch's cottage, then rapes her (I guess the filmmakers justified it because she's evil?), his enormous wang going into her vagina and out her mouth (oh, cartoons!).  Weakened by Handle's manly loving, the witch is forced into an oven by the woodland creatures and we end with Handle, Gretel and ALL of the woodland creatures taking a group vacation to pound town in triumph.

Jesus.  Goddamn.  Christ.  This cartoon is NUTS!  It's barely over seven minutes long, but it's so chock-full of ridiculous, sanity-defying moments that I'm devoting more space to it than I have for several features.  It certainly takes a dim view of women (the witch is evil; Gretel is an easily-manipulated cypher...not to mention the fact that the big plan to defeat the villain is to have the hero RAPE her into a state of bewilderment so that she can be easily lured into an oven), but it's SO bizarre, ridiculous and of-its-time-and-place (Europe in, I presume, the late '60s or early 70s) that it's hard to get offended.  Speaking of which, why, exactly, is the witch so hated by the woodland creatures?  Aside from imprisoning Handle, it seems to me that the only thing she does is use her dick-fountain to pump life-giving semen-water into the forest...We can all get behind that, right?  The jerky animation is crude as fuck and makes even the lamest Hannah-Barbara productions look like multi-million dollar Disney epics, but that just adds to the sleazy charm.  I think most of you who've stuck with reading this blog this long are pretty open-minded, so I'm gonna go ahead and say yeah, you should see this.  It'll blow your fucking mind.

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that, thanks to the good folks at Redbubble, I now have Basement of Sleaze merchandise available here.  You can pick up a t-shirt for yourself, a coffee mug for your husband/wife and maybe a pillow or two for the kids' rooms!

I'm off for now, but I'll be back either tomorrow or Saturday with another adults-only animation (because these are just too much goddamn fun!).