Entry 102: Prisoner of Paradise (1980)

Prisoner of Paradise (1980)

Dir: Bob Chinn & Gail Palmer

"Kidnapped for bizarre sex rites...On a sun-drenched island of SIN!"

 

It's Valentine's Day, folks!  Grab your sweetheart, a box of chocolates and a pack of your favorite condoms as we head down into the Basement for the 1980 Nazi-themed porno flick Prisoner of Paradise!

An American G.I. (the legendary John Holmes, Zodiac Killer, Johnny Wadd, whose awesome mustache and white jheri curl are, I'm pretty sure, non-regulation) washes up onto a South Pacific island.  He immediately has some PTSD-flashbacks to submarines firing torpedoes, then dreams of fucking his Phillippino girlfriend (Mai Lin, Skintight, Undulations).  Who, we learn, was killed in a Japanese bombing.  John showers in a waterfall while the camera lovingly lingers on his legendary wang, then fashions himself some shoes, goes spear-fishing and eats coconuts during a montage sequence set to some bitchin' California singer-songwriter-style soft rock.  Our hung hero soon discovers that this island paradise isn't what it seems; it's actually a joint Nazi-Japanese POW camp!  Being an "adults-only" movie, the camp is, of course, run by two sexy, busty SS gals and a fat, slovenly-looking SS officer and is holding two American nurses hostage.  Captured while trying to rescue the nurses, John is forced to do the hunka-chunka with Ilsa (porn legend Seka-"Don't you come in me, you American swine!") while Greta (Sue Carol, The Goodbye Girls) masturbates with a Luger handle and the lascivious male officer watches.  This scene is set to Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries," BTW...a nod to the previous year's Apocalypse Now?  The Ratzi bastards then force nurse Carol (Nikki Anderson) to blow John at gunpoint, then Ilsa and Greta have their way with her before John finishes things off doggystyle over the officer's desk ("Hey, American frankfurter; turn her over and put ze cum on her face!").  John then makes the beast with two backs with Japanese prison guard Jade Wong (Oriental Madam, Oriental Hawaii; whose wig falls off during the scene) because she reminds him of his dead ex.  When Jade is killed by the Nazis, John goes berserk, sets the whole camp on fire and escapes with the nurses. 

To be honest, this is a pretty boring flick; filled with ugly and unenthusiastic fuck scenes, it's really only of interest to porn historians, Holmes diehards and Nazisploitation completists.  The goofy Nazi characters are pretty inoffensive/non-threatening; this is more Hogan's Heroes than Ilsa.  The sets and music are pretty goddamn great, though!  

Well, there you have it!  It isn't lost on me that this flick (very nearly) shares a title with a Europe song, so I'm gonna let you ride out on this one and dedicate it to my friend Jeremy...I hope you got some tonight.