Entry Twenty-Two: Death Spa (1987)

Death Spa (1987)

Dir: Michael Fischa

"You'll sweat blood!"

Exploding bodies!  Naked titties!  Cross-dressing!  Homoeroticism!  Aerobics!  Melting faces!  Even a few good bush shots for my friend Jeremy...It's just another day at the Death Spa!

Some strange shit is afoot at the Star Body Health Spa...Spa owner Michael's girlfriend, Laura (Brenda Bakke, L.A. Confidential's Lana Turner) is burned and temporarily blinded when chlorine is diverted into the sauna.  A club regular is nearly killed when the high-dive board comes loose.  A ripped dude is disemboweled by a Boflex.  Concurrently, Michael begins having nightmares about his dead wife Catherine, who immolated herself after a botched childbirth left her paralyzed and their baby dead.  Michael begins to suspect that his security chief (and Catherine's twin brother), David (Merritt Butrick, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, here channeling Malcolm McDowell), is staging the "accidents" as vengeance for the death of his sister.  After several more deaths, it's revealed that Catherine has possessed David's body and is using him to torment Michael, whom she wants to join her in Hell.  Michael and Laura are forced to confront this vengeful spirit during a Mardi Gras party that turns into an epic bloodbath.

Good fuck, this movie is NUTS!  In fact, this may be the craziest of the myriad Nightmare on Elm Street knockoffs that plagued the late '80s-early '90's.  A woman is melted by acid in the sprinkler system, still gurgling and crying once all her flash has melted of and her still-beating heart is exposed.  Michael's crooked lawyer gets his brains splattered all over the place by an errant chunk of wood in the sauna.  A fat cop gets killed by a half-eaten sushi fish come to life.  In the film's best scene, club manager Priscilla graphically explodes for seemingly no good reason.  Catherine/David is burned, has his/her arm ripped off and gets shot twice in the head...and then his/her eyeball explodes!  In addition to the over-the-top violence, this movie also features and unending parade of FANTASTIC '80's workout clothing, Michael (who kinda looks like my friend Zack) has the solid brass balls to wear an open leather jacket with no shirt beneath and has his office decorated in the tasteful combination of '80's pastel colors, sports memorabilia and Native American art.  There's also A LOT of homoerotic groping/close-talking between Michael and his best friend, Marvin (the mighty Ken Foree, of Dawn of the Dead and From Beyond) and a couple of awkwardly lengthy close-up shots of Foree's junk.  Also with Chelsea Field (Masters of the Universe, Prison, Dust Devil) as a spa regular and Rosalind Cash (The Omega Man, The Monkey Hu$tle) as a cop.  HIGHLY recommended for group viewing!