Entry 73: Commando (1985)

Commando (1985)

Dir: Mark L. Lester

"Somewhere...somehow...someone's going to pay."

 

In 1985, the director of Roller Boogie, the writer of Teen Wolf and the star of Hercules in New York came together and, somehow, created the most cartoonishly superlative example of 80's action cinema.  Join me now as I let off some steam in the Basement of Sleaze with Commando!

Arnold Schwarzenegger (in a role originally intended for Gene Simmons (!), then Nick Nolte) stars as German-American ex-special forces Colonel John Matrix (he eats Green Berets for breakfast!).  When his young daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano, TVs Who's the Boss?, Embrace of the Vampire) is kidnapped by a South American Dictator bent on forcing him into an assassination, Matrix rampages across California in an attempt to get her back.  He's aided in his quest by a plucky flight attendant (Rae Dawn Chong, daughter of Tommy and star of the immortal classic Soul Man).  Several gunshots, impalings, neck-breakings and limb-hackings later, Matrix is forced to take on his former student Bennet (now working for the dictator) Mano-y-mano...

I've told this story several times before, but Commando holds a VERY special place in my heart, as it was the first R-rated film I'd ever seen.  After being told that I was too young to watch it by my mom, I was awoken by my dad after she'd gone to sleep and we proceeded to stay up late into the night watching the movie and talking about it.  It was my first exposure to blood, gore, boobs and foul language on film, and it helped cultivate a lifelong obsession!  Commando is very much a live-action cartoon, existing in that special alternate-reality where heroes are invincible and all "bad guys" are terrible shots.  Along with the same year's Rambo: First Blood, Part II, it defined the "one man army" as THE action movie trope of the mid-to-late 80s.  Just a year removed from his terrifying role in The Terminator, Schwarzenegger is surprisingly likable and affable as Matrix, and he gets to deliver some of his all-time greatest one-liners here.  He's ably supported by an INCREDIBLE cast, including Dan Hedaya (Blood Simple, TVs Cheers), David Patrick Kelly (48 Hours, TVs Twin Peaks), Bill Duke (Predator, Action Jackson)...and yes, Bill Paxton (Aliens, Near Dark)!  Best of all is Vernon Wells (Mad Max 2, Circuitry Man) as Bennett, resplendent in Freddie Mercury-'stache and chainmail shirt, chewing the scenery as if he were starving to death.  He is, without question, one of the great action movie villains of the 80s.  A standout action sequence takes place in the same shopping mall in which portions of Terminator 2: Judgement Day would be filmed.  Co-writer Steven E. DeSouza penned a sequel in which Matrix would have taken on terrorists in an office building; when Arnold turned it down, it got tweaked and became Die Hard.  Commando features all the explosions, blood and nudity you'd expect of 80s action fare, but has the good sense to maintain a strong sense of humor, reminding the audience that none of this is meant to be taken too seriously.  A 2007 director's cut added a minute-and-a-half of exposition and gore; as they neither add anything of real value to the film, nor impact the pacing, neither version is preferable.